THE JRNY 012 - What if It's Just Fear
Hey Reader 👋,
Today's song of the moment is: NOTHING
This is a follow up to THE JRNY 011, which was posted earlier in the day (go read that one if you want more context).
I HAD A BREAKTHROUGH
Or at least.. I think I did.
This is either one of the biggest breakthroughs I've had regarding my search for direction or one of those random thoughts that I'll dismiss tomorrow morning.
I actually had this thought during my shower like 3 hours after writing the previous post. This ain't called THE JRNY for nothing ya know what I'm saying.
Anyway, for those who did not read THE JRNY 11, I was venting about how I don't have a clear direction in life or even in the next 3-5 years of my life and it's been bugging me for a while now.
Now, the breakthrough is:
What if I'm continually searching for a direction/purpose/whatever you want to call it because I'm a big scaredy-cat and I can continually use my lack of direction/purpose as an excuse?
Let me explain how this kinda makes sense.
Okay so the whole premise behind a goal/direction/purpose is that it's your guiding friend. Your friend that guides you and gives you a sense of "purpose" and motivation to follow through with things right?
We always hear about things like "you're not lazy, you just lack purpose" or "you only procrastinate because you don't have clear goals" and blablabla.
Well, what if I'm using THAT as an excuse whenever things go badly?
I mean, I've been reading books, journaling, meditating for so many years now that I find it almost improbable that I haven't found something that I'd like to master or be good at or just do for the next 2-3 years at least.
Most people have found something like that without even knowing the concept of self-improvement.
I think I'm just immensely scared of failing or being bad at something.
Because it's not like I haven't tried things or thought of things that would interest me. I have so many things that I'd thought about over these past few years, but the reason why I always abandoned them was because they "didn't have a purpose".
And I just so-happened to think about my purpose whenever I realized that it was harder than I thought or when I had a road block.
The pattern would always look like this:
Start Something —> Realize that I'm not a master at it —> Realize that it'll take time to learn —> Become unmotivated to do it —> Tell myself "what's the point of doing this? It's not even aligned with my purpose. Wait, what's my purpose?" —> Repeat cycle.
What I'm really trying to say is that yes, having a direction/goal/purpose can certainly help you get through hard times and makes navigating through life a lot easier.
With that being said though, the reason why I quit things all the time and always find myself unmotivated might NOT be because I lack direction, but simply because I'm afraid of being bad. Of failing. Of being a beginner when the whole world seems to only be comprised of experts.
To conclude, I'm not saying that there aren't things that I genuinely don't like and thus, wouldn't want to do.
What I'm trying to say is that I might be not want to find a direction because then, I wouldn't have the excuse of "I'm only bad at this because it's not aligned with my purpose/because I'm not motivated enough" if I fail at things or things don't go my way.
Hey you ! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post.
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We'll talk more next time and until then, don't forget to enjoy your life! ✌️