THE JRNY 011 - My Lack of Direction
|Nicholas Hugh Sam||Apr 14|
Hey Reader 👋,
Today's song of the moment is: Stand by you - A.C.E
Apparently this song was written for the fans of A.C.E. They went through a "bad period" as a band and I guess a lot of fans were supporting them during these harsh times so they decided to write this song to say to their fans "we will stand by your side during your hard times as you were during our hard times". Pretty sweet and the song is good also.
Last week, I talked about 5 reasons why I'm happier and although I am not unhappy, I can't say that I'm happy.
Or at least, I still have a big chunk of unhappiness called "what am I doing with my life?"
I know this isn't something I should be complaining about, but I'll do so anyway.
I feel like I have a lot of free time on my hands and I keep filling it up with stuff that isn't fulfilling.
And the main problem is that every time I think of doing something more productive, I find myself not wanting to do that either.
I feel like I'm constantly stuck in this cycle of doing "nothing", wanting to do something, not doing that something and then going back to doing "nothing".
I know there are people reading this and being like "well, you're not really doing nothing, you're watching YouTube or watching a drama or something and as long as you enjoy it, what's the problem?"
I do partially agree with you, but at the same time, I think of my days of waking up, working, watching something, going to sleep and then repeat it the next and I can't help thinking:
"WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS? IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO LIFE? I WON THE ULTIMATE SPERM RACE VS 100 MILLION SPERMATOZOA AND THIS IS WHAT I'M DOING?"
Ever since I left school, I've had this giant lack of direction and I don't really know what to do about it anymore.
It's not even about finding my LIFE purpose. It's simply about having a direction for the next 3-5 years you know?
Anyhow, I will continue pushing forward because, well, what other option do I have?
I guess I just have to do a whole lot of introspection while guarding against all the external crap that keeps on distracting me.
But man am I envious of people who've known since they were little. You know those kids who said like "I want to be a doctor" at 6 years old and then became a doctor and were happy about it? Sigh
To conclude, I don't know my WHY nor do I know my WHAT and it's messing me up. I guess this is also part of the journey, my journey.
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We'll talk more next time and until then, don't forget to enjoy your life! ✌️