Dear Reader,
Last week, I took a little break because I was celebrating Christmas with my family, spending time with friends and hanging out with the girlfriend; however, if you were paying attention to my little message, I also said that I was cooking up something special this week 👨🍳.
That special something is, as the title mentions, my review of 2019 ! 🎉
First of all, happy new year to all.
Second of all, it was pretty rad to write the first official date of 2020 in my title.
Finally, isn't it crazy that another decade has passed?! I mean, every new year is pretty big, but now we've entered a new decade.... 🧠 + 💣 = 💥
Alright, let's get into it. Disclaimer, this shit is going to be LOOONG like LONG LONG.
View it on desktop by clicking here.
Year end review
Well, what can I say? At the beginning of 2019, I was working as a software developer and trying to figure out what to do with my life.
Now, at the beginning of 2020, I'm still working as a software developer (at another company though) and still haven't figured out what to do with my life.
Yup, that's about it. The end?
Nahhhh, of course not !!
Even though my external situation hasn't changed that much (except for that sweet salary boost 🤑), it would be unfair to myself to say that nothing has changed since last year because that doesn't really take into account what I actually accomplished during the year. Wait, what did I accomplish anyway?
My top accomplishments of 2019
Quitting a job that I disliked and worked at Nike instead
As I wrote many times in my previous newsletter, I left Tactio in April 2019 because I was honestly tired of everything and I didn't know what I was doing with my life.
I consider this a big accomplishment because in many other situations, I would have chosen to stay in an unhappy place due to the fear of what other people might think of me, not doing what is "traditional" of a good asian kid and ultimately, I was also really scared of disappointing my mom.
The fact that I was able to listen to my emotions and do what was best for me was a big step forward in my growth and happiness.
Afterwards, I was able to work at Nike, which was something I had in my bucket list so that was fun. Got to meet lots of cool people :)
I took care of my body and now I'm mostly healed
For those that don't know, in 2017, while running my first track & field competition (60m), I injured my adductor and foolishly rushed back to training at the beginning 2018 while not being fully healed. Consequently, at the end of summer 2018, my injury worsened and I became at my lowest in terms of physical health. I couldn't fully do any sport, couldn't gym properly and I even had some uneasiness while walking.
Fast forward to end of 2018 / beginning of 2019, I went to go see multiple physiotherapists, fitness coaches, a chiropractor, did yoga, stretched, did some strengthening exercises and finally, I can say that my body is almost at a 100%. Even though I still can't go back to the track to sprint, I feel a lot better now and I can even play badminton (my current sport) with very minimal problems.
All in all, I'm glad that I was able to take things slowly and let my body recover properly.
I tried creating my own company
After quitting Tactio back in April and while working at Nike, I decided to try and start my own company.
Even though it was short-lived, I am still proud that I at least tried and ultimately realized that having a company isn't what I want right now.
For those who are wondering, I wanted to create a web design agency called Trinim (website link is here, very minimal though lol). I got to the point where all I had to do was get some clients, but I couldn't see myself designer/creating websites day in and day out.
This thing that you're reading right now (my newsletter)
If I had to give a prize to my top top top accomplishment of 2019 it would be this. This freaking newsletter. The funny thing about this is that unlike all the other ideas that I concretized in 2019, this newsletter was the most random one. There was literally no planning involved. My brother was just taking a class on creative writing, created his own newsletter and I was just like "wait, I also want a newsletter !" and BOOM, here we are. 30 newsletters later.
Crazy.
I'm especially proud of this one because even though I only have like 11 subscribers, I was super accountable to myself and only took a break twice in 6 months !! Not bad Nick, not bad at all hahaha 👏
To be honest though, I was able to hold myself accountable this whole time because I really love writing and this newsletter is one of the dopest shit I've done. So thank you, you 11 people for reading my random posts every week or so 😍
I created a website (and more) for my friend's new brand (CeySilk)
Well, I think you should know about this one since I talked about it... 2 weeks ago !! Not much to say here, but I also randomly helped my girlfriend's friend (who is now my friend, Allo Phuong Thu haha) launch her health / silk business called CeySilk.
As I mentioned in my previous letter, this was also one of the most memorable experiences of my 2019 year and if asked again, would do it again !! It was a blast.
I discovered a shit ton about myself
Hmm... I'm going to keep this real short because I don't want to bore you guys with all the details of my personal life; however, I must say that 2019 was a great year of self-discovery.
NOT because I read many self-help books
NOT because I watched lots of youtube videos
NOT because I listened to tons of podcasts
BUT because I spend a lot of time with myself, with my thoughts, my doubts, my victories, my failures and constantly asking myself why why why.
So cheers to myself 🍾
Hmm... not bad right? Obviously, there are probably more, but I really feel like those 6 are the ones that I'm the most proud of.
I added this section in my year end review because I find it important to celebrate what you did right. Especially in the self-help community / progression community / whatever you want to call it, there's always an emphasis on looking forward and trying to see what is lacking or the problems that one must fix, but I rarely see anyone mentioning what they're proud of. Maybe because they don't want to seem like a show-off or whatever, but jeez, it's only once a fucking year. Just do it !! 🙌
Unfortunately, I'm also one of those people that never wants to be to show-off-y so I always have to keep a balance between the positives and the negatives. In this case, since I've just mentioned my accomplishments, well, I also have to mention my regrets (?).
My Top Regrets of 2019
Never finishing FMV
At the end of 2018/ beginning of 2019, I was attending an entrepreneurial school (Firme Maxime Victor — FMV for short) because I was super done with my 9 to 5 (or so I thought at the time) and really wanted to get a side hustle going. Unfortunately for me, I didn't really have a concrete idea of what to do so the whole experience was really underwhelming. Also, it didn't help that the school wasn't that great. I wouldn't call it a scam, but they were very surface-y with their knowledge.
Anyhow, on week 13, 2 weeks before finishing, there were so few people attending my class that they decided to merge two classes together. The problem with this was that I was already done with this whole shit, found it to be a waste of time and to top it all of, they appointed the other teacher as the teacher of the joint-class. And the thing is, I liked my teacher. I was pretty tight with her. I didn't want to listen to another teacher.
So, instead of completing FMV, I just stopped going to class and never "graduated" from that school. Lame, I spent 2k on this and got basically nothing out of it. Should have at least gotten that diploma... 🤦♀️
Lesson: Always finish what you started
Slacking at work the last few weeks
When I decided to quit Tactio, I gave them a whopping 5 weeks of notice before my official resignation date because I wanted to finish my part of the project.
However, something weird happens when you make the decision of quitting work or just quitting in general... you just don't care anymore. I tried really hard to focus at work, but in my mind, all I could think of was "welp, I'm quitting anyway so what's the worse they can do? Fire me? I already fired myself !"
And that was my downfall and one of the things I regret the most. Even though I was about to quit, I should have gave it my all to finish on a positive note and make them feel like they were losing a good employee in the wrong domain. Instead, I'm pretty sure they were glad to get rid of me after they saw that I wasn't working as well even though I did complete my project... in 1 week afterwards lmao.
Lesson: Always finish what you started and go out with a BANG.
This list is honestly pretty short because I don't really believe in regrets. As in, if I was able to get a valuable lesson from the experience then for me, it's not something to regret regret. Nevertheless, I still decided to put this section in my year end review because I find it important to take the time and really get a lesson out of those regrets so that history does not repeat itself.
By looking at this list, you might think that my year went by pretty smoothly because I only regretted 2 things, but booooooooooy are you wrong. I think single events are pretty easy to get over. The hard shit are the chronic stuff or things that were re-occurring throughout the whole year aka my challenges/struggles.
My Top Challenges / Struggles of 2019
Being dictated by my emotions and feelings
I find it so funny thinking about this because 6 years ago, when I got to Cegep, I was always trying to suppress my emotions and I was just doing what I "should" do even though I didn't like it or whatever. Consequently, I had a hard time having relationships with people, girls especially, because I just didn't want to tap into my emotions.
Fast forward to 2019 and this year, I had problems because I was being too emotional. And by emotional, I don't mean that I was constantly crying and shit, but I was purely navigating the world by feelings instead of logic + feelings.
"I should be working right now, but I don't feel like it"
"I should probably finish FMV, but I don't feel like it"
"I should probably stop eating so much popcorn, but I feel like it"... On second thought, this one can stay for 2020 also :)
Basically, I was doing everything based on feeling and that created some bad situations for myself. I guess that a balance of Cegep Nick and Post-University Nick is what is needed.
My battle with overthinking / rumination
This one was very weird for me since it's the first year that it happened. The gist of it is that I was overthinking things, but like... constantly? To the point where I didn't really have time to let my mind rest.
If I even had 2 minutes to think, I would be thinking. And it's draining because even when I was trying to spend time with friends or whatever, I would try and force myself to think about stuff.
For example, my friend from Nike, Fiona, told me that I always looked lost while working at Nike and she was right !! I was lost... in thought ! Instead of doing my job, I was trying to think of "what would I really LOVE to do for the rest of my life" or "what business ideas would make me a millionaire by 22 (I was 23 by then already...)" or "if I had a youtube channel, what would I do" and I would force myself to think of those questions until I had an answer !! It was fucking crazy and it was driving me crazy.
Fortunately, I stopped doing it as much in December so we'll see what happens in 2020.
Taking action / Following through
2019 was the year of Nick the Idea Guy.
Had tons of ideas and projects in mind,
but only accomplished 1 of them (my short-lived company).
There's not much to say about this except smh Nick.
Youtube & Social Media
I never thought that I would be addicted to something, but I definitely feel like this year, I was addicted to Social Media and more, specifically, YouTube.
Although, I remember during the month of March, I did a no YouTube for a month challenge and completed it successfully. However, my success was short-lived because as soon as the challenge was over, I was back on YouTube and my consumption of videos just worsen tremendously.
I was able to reduce my Snapchat consumption to 1 snap a day (gotta keep that streak going, 387 days strong), but I also created my Instagram account and am now watching stories there instead of SC...
Sigh... I don't want to remove them completely from my life, but I wish I could use them when I want to instead of just mindlessly going on them when I'm bored.
Not spending money
Have you every heard of the "Poor's People Mentality"?
I don't know if it's a legit saying or if I just invented it on the spot, but PPM basically states that poor people will stay poor even if you give them more money because of their mentality and how they spend their money.
I don't think I have PPM since I'm not really poor, but this year taught me that the more money I have, the more money I'll be spending. Ever since I got a stable income, it got really easy to spend money on "useless" things.
So I gotta watch out for that this year.
Sure, I Won't Die From It
For some reason, I've been really addicted to being a "good guy" in the eyes of other people and one thing about "good guys" is that they usually don't have any boundaries.
Consequently, there were a lot of times this year where I had a clear answer in my head, but didn't express it clearly because I was scared of someone's reaction.
My whole train of thought was "fuck, I don't want to do this" or "fuck, I really want to do this", "but I won't die from taking the other option and it's better than being a bad person so sure, let me do that".
But there is only so much one person can take of this mentality. And this year, I think I've hit my limit.
Yupp... this year was the year that I struggled the most mentally. In 2018, I had a lot of physical struggles due to injuries and this year was mental struggles ! There were many ups and downs throughout the year and I think that's normal. I don't think I'll ever write about a year where everything went 100% great (if not, then shit, I'm writing a book about it and racking in all that moneyyyy 💰, jks), but this year was particularly hard for me and I would even say that it got to a point where I had some episodes of depression.
Most of it is probably from the fact that I was still transitioning from being a sheltered student to being a grown, free and responsible adult 👦 —> 👨 and even now, in 2020, I am 100% still going to be struggling with most of those challenges, but you know how the saying goes "what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger". How do challenges make you stronger? Well, probably because after every setback, there's a little period where you self-reflect and come up with some lessons that'll help you in life going forward. And boy, did I learn a lot of those this year. Here are a few of them.
My Top Lessons from 2019
9 to 5s can be freaking awesome
After 2 different jobs, I realized that 9 to 5s are pretty cool. You have benefits, you have colleagues, you have a stable income and all this together reduces the amount of stress related to adulting.
The trick here is to always keep in mind that a job is simply a job. Meaning that it's not your life, not your family and it's not you. Make sure that you have stuff going on outside of your job if not, then all your work stress is going to become your own stress and that is no bueno amigo.
Additionally, if like me, you are miserable at your current job, then before thinking it's simply all the 9 to 5s (like I did) try switching companies or maybe it's simply the fact that you're doing something you hate for 8 hours aka try switching careers to something that you can actually bare for 8 hours.
Airpods Pro are legit
I impulse bought them right before Christmas.
What can I say?
They just work well !!
You Only Live Once aka YOLO
A saying that's been around ever since Drake sang the infamous line "You only live once: that's the motto, nigga, YOLO", YOLO has been part of countless memes and a reason for people to do dumb shit. Just like so many other sayings, I've heard it countless times over and over and over again, always hearing the words, but never understanding what they meant. Until this year.
In general, I tend to overthink about what's the "right way" to do things or debating in my head whether or not I should do this or that, but I've realized that it doesn't matter. If you want to do something and it doesn't affect people in a negative way, then just do it (like if you wanna kill someone, then just don't please). Who cares if people think you shouldn't or if they look badly upon that decision. You most likely won't die by taking one "bad" decision. So just take it and see the results for yourself.
You only live once or as I like to put it, you only have one life so you shouldn't let other people live it for you.
Action > Everything
I constantly have to remind myself of this because I always think that "thinking" and "planning" is part of taking action, but it's not. Those are part of "motion" where you do things, but they don't amount to much.
I need to focus on Action. Concrete proof of my work and of course, I also have to actually put in the work.
Discover who you are, then live life accordingly
Easily my Top Lesson of 2019. I am only writing briefly about this subject here because I've already written a shit ton. As a result, I'll be writing a complete newsletter on this subject alone.
I've discovered that the secret of life is to first discover who you are and then create a life around those discoveries.
The best example I can find is about my procrastination problem. For the longest time, I tried to fix my procrastination problem by simply having will power aka wishful thinking. As we all know, that doesn't really work. However, along my "journey", I discovered that I am someone who acts when there is a deadline (with real consequences) or when I am part of a team (and don't want to let my team down). With that being so, in order to fix my procrastination problem, I now know that I need to set myself a real deadline with real consequences or work in a team.
Don't try fighting who you are, work with the flow.
Damn, that's a lot of lessons to have in one year and honestly, I feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg. I probably could have wrote a whole 32 pages thesis on 2019 lessons, but I wouldn't want to bore you to death with that ! Unless you guys would be willing to pay..... juuuust kidding. In all seriousness though, 2019 has been a great year of discovery. Not only for my inner spirit, but also for some random, but cool stuff. Peek it 👀
My Top Discoveries of 2019
Nos Thés' Honey Osmanthus Oolong Creamy
50% Sugar
Regular Ice
With Bubbles
Large.
Delicious.
Fizz
I think I actually got Fizz back in 2018, but with my grandfathered plan, I am now paying 29$ per month, tax included for everything unlimited in Canada + 2GB of data (that can rollover). Can't get a better deal than that honestly !
Sexologue / Therapy
Only 2 people know about this, but in late late 2019, I had some personal issues that I wanted to take care of and decided to go see a Sexologist. It was one of the best decisions I ever made even though it's pretty harsh on my wallet.
Contrary to popular beliefs, a sexologist can also help you deal with problems that are unrelated or indirectly related to your sexuality and thus, my sexologist has now become more of a therapist than anything else.
What's super cool about seeing a professional is that they're usually not related to your inner circle (friends, family, etc.) so telling them stuff isn't as hard or daunting !
Pro tip: If you guys are ever considering this, try to see someone with the same ethnic background as you as they tend to be able to relate more to your situation.
Lululemon ABC Pants
AWESOME PANTS. THANK YOU ANNIE.
Pretty expensive, but definitely worth it. I currently own a pair of ABC slim pants 32".
Considering buying the ABC joggers soon.
Under Armour makes some cool shit
I don't know for you guys, but for me at least, I always had the impression that Under Armour was at the same ghetto level as Puma; so below Adidas and Nike. However, when I went to an outlet mall in California, I was thoroughly impressed by the gear they had (everything except for shoes) and even ended up spending 400$ there.
So yeah, look out for Under Armour with stars like The Rock and Steph Curry as their main ambassadors, they're a brand to watch in 2020.
Sun Nong Dan (in general, but #24)
If you guys ever go to LA, then definitely try to go to Sun Nong Dan. It's a korean restaurant with a sometimes long lineup and decently expensive, but IT IS WORTH IT !! Best korean food I've ever eaten.
If you go there, take #24 with cheese on top. Their soups are also delicious.
(I went there with Annie while the other couple went to Captain's Boil... imma just give them this L)
Christian Kanye West
2019 saw Kanye West being revived as the "best christian alive" and it was great to see !! I've always been a fan of his music, but in recent years, I've become a fan of the man himself and the interviews he did this year validated that I wasn't crazy. Dude is a prophet and makes some good ass music. I love me some Kanye.
Interview 1 with Zane Low | Apple Music
Interview 2 with Big Boy | BigBoyTV
Notion.so
This is a online text editor like none other. I am probably using 0.001% of it's capacity at the moment, but this is the tool I'm using to write all my newsletters and personal notes also.
There's a free plan, but I definitely recommend people getting the personal plan, which is less than 50$ CAD per year !
Shoutout to the creators of Notion, ya'll are awesome.
I realized after making this list that... it's pretty hard to remember stuff from beginning of 2019 honestly haha. I think most, if not all, of these come from the latter half part of the year, but oh well, guess I'll know for next year 🤷♀️ ← favorite emoji of the year BTW.
Also, since we're getting into some silly stuff, let me put my "top media" of the year. As I said previously though, it's very hard to remember stuff that happened before May 2019 so I'll just put what comes to mind... 🤷♂️ ← not as cool as the girl tbh.
My Top Media of 2019
Solo Leveling & Kimetsu no Yaiba & Chainsawman
Manga, Anime and another Manga.
If ya'll are into that, I wholeheartedly recommend these 2 mangas and that anime as your next conquests !
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
I was pretty late to the B99 game, but you know what they say "better late than never" !
Lover by Taylor Swift
Winner of "Artist of the Decade", Tswift made me an official Swifty with the release of her 7th studio album, "Lover" and more specifically, her song "Lover".
Note: If you would have asked me earlier in the year, my top song would probably not be Lover, but I just really can't remember all the songs that I was bumping to this year so I chose my latest top song as my song of the year 😁
The Beast that is Sean Lew
I am also pretty late to the game when it comes to Sean Lew because YouTube has been hyping him for AGES now. But man, this boy dances like a god AND did you know, he also **sings** like a god.
This dude be dropping casual videos of himself singing as if he didn't know what to do with his time and he sounds so good.
Oh yeah, did I mention that he also cooks? Shit man, wish I had 1/3 of his talents hahaha
This Video Here of Steve Jobs (less than 2 minutes)
Out of ALLLLLL the self-help/motivational videos that I've watched this year. This one. This short ass 2-minute video of Steve Jobs is the one that resonated the most with me.
Definitely going into 2020 with this video in mind 😤😤💪
Phieww... that was pretty long to do ! I hope that you guys enjoyed reading my 2019 as much as I did experiencing it. I will most likely forget about 2019 in a few years, but I think it will be one of the most important years of my life just because of all the self discoveries I did. However, as I said in one of my top lessons of the year Action >>> Everything meaning now that I have all this "theory" about myself, it's time to apply it... in 2020.
What's Next for 2020?
This might sound very cliché, but 2020 is going to be MY year. I don't mean it like "it's going to be a great year this year, I'm going to conquer the world in 2020." No.
It will be MY year because I'll be concentrating on myself and trying to make myself happy more than anything else (aka trying hard to not listen to others or care about their opinions). So, I guess it's going to be a selfish year? But don't worry, I won't suddenly become a douche in 2020. It's more about accepting invitations that make me think "FUCK YES, I WANT TO DO THIS" instead of accepting invitations that make me think "Well, I guess it won't kill me...". Also more about taking risks and doing random shit while I'm young and while I can.
Basically, more of what Steve Jobs is saying and less of what I'm currently doing (living a safe life).
So, with that being said, here are a few of my goals for the upcoming year. In no particular order:
Start my YouTube channel and get 1250 subscribers by the end of the 2020.
Be happy at work (working 8 hours on something that I don't hate) by June.
Since my brother doesn't want to go all out, I'll force him to by making this a competition. He wants to write 50 newsletters next year (1 every week minus 2 weeks) so I'll one-up him and write 51 newsletters this year. Doesn't have to be on Thursday, but 1 every week minus 1 week of break.
Double my newsletter subscribers count + 3 = 25
Travel twice this year (1 of Iceland, South America, Scandinavia or Eastern Europe)
Read 13 books
3 realized ideas
Things I want to focus on:
Myself
Taking Action
I know, I know these aren't "SMART" goals so my chances of completing them aren't as high as if I would have written them in a "SMART" format, but this year is really about me and taking action. Taking action is so easy to evaluate (yes or no) and for the "Myself" part, well it's just about doing stuff I want to do (and following through).
Alright, that's it for me.
HAPPY NEW YEAR AND WELCOME TO 2020,
Let's begin, shall we?
PEACE.
Hey you ! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this week's letter.
If you want to support me by sharing my newsletter, feel free to send this link.
Also, if you like something in the articles or simply want to discuss with me or give me some constructive feedback, feel free to email me @ onlythetruenjhs@gmail.com
We'll talk more next Thursday, until then, have a nice week ! ✌️
— Nicholas